Hi terrypayton
As far as I can understand, you are looking for professional help and ready to pay for it. As a gold buyer you want to do the refining yourself not giving away your goodies to someone else who may cheat you, especially if not only precious metals from jewellery, but also small diamonds with an inhering tendency to disappear are involved in your business.
My best advice to give to you, is contracting with a well reknown, seriously working refiner, who is able to do the tedious handwork of chemically separating gemstones from the precious metal base they are worked in. Usually a contracting refiner would also buy the refined materials, even the stones probably, on a mutually trusted and agreed base. Mutual trust in each other is the sound base for this sort of contracting. You as one of the contracting partners have to know exactly, what you are dealing with, namely exact quantity and carats of the stones and exact quantity and composition of the remaining precious metal alloys. Let make you offers from different refiners for selected typical items for treatment and don't forget to look for a second opinion through an expert analysis by a second company or a specialized analytical lab therefor.
Doing all this work yourself, analytical and preparative, obliges you forcedly to find your customers, willing to buy your refined materials, yourself, to be involved in managing hazardous wastes, in regulation issues, in legislation concerning buying and selling of gold and other precious metals and so on....and so on.... All this a well trusted refiner can do for you, and you can stay concentrated on your gold buying business. Doing it yourself makes only sense, if it is really your earnest intention to build up your own refining business on a professional commercial base, and in your situation, as I can judge it, only with a partner who has the necessary background and all these skills you presently have not.
Regards, freechemist