# I tried to tell a chemistry joke today.



## pimpneightez (Oct 11, 2012)

No reaction.


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## darshevo (Oct 11, 2012)

Ba-dun dun! Thank you ladies and gentlemen I will be here all week 

Loved it! :mrgreen:


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## ericrm (Oct 11, 2012)

that good ...make me laft


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## acpeacemaker (Oct 11, 2012)

Maybe someones so2 gas cleared the room.


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## Irons2 (Oct 11, 2012)

That reminds me of something that happened the other Day.

I'm building a Ball Mill and needed some cheap grinding media. I immediately thought of the local Freight Salvage store, They have a hardware department that sells by the pound.
So I go in and a rep asks me if I need any help. I respond with: "I need some big Nuts to put in my Ball Mill."

Silence.


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## element47.5 (Oct 11, 2012)

Sorry I couldn't get this all into one ad, but this is one of the freaking funniest things I've seen in a while.


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## acpeacemaker (Oct 11, 2012)

Lol, how does that cordless hammer work? The flashlight kind of reminds me several times being in the store and seeing people at the counter. Asking for the flashlight. Then the cashier telling them they needed the coupon. The customer then mumbling how they left their coupon at home. In turn with the clerk saying,"sir there's a whole fold out table behind you with stacks of our ads." What a misuse of paper.


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## goldsilverpro (Oct 11, 2012)

Very very funny. I love the chainsaw.


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## goldenchild (Oct 11, 2012)

Rickety aluminum green house $349.99 
Reg. Price $299.99


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## joem (Oct 11, 2012)

I just sat here reading and laughing, my wife thought I lost my mind again.


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## rshartjr (Oct 12, 2012)

Irons2 said:


> That reminds me of something that happened the other Day.
> 
> I'm building a Ball Mill and needed some cheap grinding media. I immediately thought of the local Freight Salvage store, They have a hardware department that sells by the pound.
> So I go in and a rep asks me if I need any help. I respond with: "I need some big Nuts to put in my Ball Mill."
> ...



I used to work at a hardware store. One day, when I was working the plumbing department, one of the register girls was walking around with a shopping basket, putting returned items back on the shelves. As she came to my aisle, she put the basket on the ground in front of me, bent over, and started rummaging through the merchandise.

"Let's see... Do I have anything for you?" she asked.

"I see a couple of nipples," I answered, not thinking about the words that just came out of my mouth.

Thank God her dad was a plumber. She fished a pair of brass 3/4" pipe nipples form the basket, handed them to me, said: "You wish," winked, and sashayed off to the next department.


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## kurt (Oct 12, 2012)

Would someone please call a medic - I think I am going to bust a gut from laughing so hard :lol: :lol: :lol:


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## macfixer01 (Oct 12, 2012)

No that there is funny! :lol: 

As someone who does buy "cheap enough to throw-away once you wear them out or break em" hand tools at HF, I can appreciate the humor. And some of the cheesy totally unrelated products I see there just make me shake my head. Lounge chairs?, Pill cutters? Electric bug-zapping flyswatters?


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## Irons2 (Oct 12, 2012)

macfixer01 said:


> No that there is funny! :lol:
> 
> As someone who does buy "cheap enough to throw-away once you wear them out or break em" hand tools at HF, I can appreciate the humor. And some of the cheesy totally unrelated products I see there just make me shake my head. Lounge chairs?, Pill cutters? Electric bug-zapping flyswatters?



Looks like an ad for Canadian Tire. :mrgreen:

So, he says: "Fruits and Nuts, Aisle 7."


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## Auggie (Oct 13, 2012)

macfixer01 said:


> No that there is funny! :lol:
> 
> As someone who does buy "cheap enough to throw-away once you wear them out or break em" hand tools at HF, I can appreciate the humor. And some of the cheesy totally unrelated products I see there just make me shake my head. Lounge chairs?, Pill cutters? Electric bug-zapping flyswatters?



I'm definitely going to get that brass sextant as soon as I have some money I don't really need.

Oh man, I really needed this. Thanks, Element.


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## Geo (Oct 13, 2012)

pimpneightez said:


> No reaction.



perhaps you had the formula wrong.


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## Platdigger (Oct 16, 2012)

I laughed so hard I was nearly to tears... :lol:


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## steyr223 (Oct 17, 2012)

Nice! I knew you were all jokers :lol: 

I think t's a chair to keyboard interface
problem :shock:


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## kurt (Oct 21, 2012)

Geo said:


> pimpneightez said:
> 
> 
> > No reaction.
> ...



:lol: :lol: :lol:


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## macfixer01 (Oct 21, 2012)

steyr223 said:


> Nice! I knew you were all jokers :lol:
> 
> I think t's a chair to keyboard interface
> problem :shock:




Yeah sounds like a loose nut at the keyboard to me too!


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## Shaul (Oct 22, 2012)

It'd be even funnier if they actually sold the stuff in that ad. Probably make good money too. There's plenty of nutcases would shell out just to own something totally useless like a handcrank chainsaw or a nose picking set.

Shaul


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## GotTheBug (Oct 22, 2012)

I can't decide which tool I want most!


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## Irons2 (Oct 24, 2012)

http://www.ebay.com/itm/REDNECK-CHAINSAW-this-is-a-must-have-for-everyones-toolbox-/320990589702?pt=US_Chainsaws&hash=item4abc87b306

Everyone needs this.


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## ericrm (Nov 25, 2012)

i guess thats a good place for that one

did you know that pictures where dangerous? you have to put glove before you take them


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## Kevmau5 (May 25, 2013)

Reading this made me want to make a joke about the periodic table but I'm afraid that all the good ones...argon?


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## macfixer01 (May 25, 2013)

Tools and how to use them

SKIL SAW:
A portable cutting tool used to make boards too short.

BELT SANDER:
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

WIRE WHEEL:
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh S**t'.

DRILL PRESS:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

Channel Locks:
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS:
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
Used almost entirely for igniting various flammable objects in your shop and creating a fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

TABLE SAW:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.
Very effective for digit removal !!

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW:
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut large pieces into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of all the crap you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR:
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

PVC PIPE CUTTER:
A tool used to make plastic pipe too short.

HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE:
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door. Works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

SON OF A BITCH TOOL:
Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a bitch' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.


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## macfixer01 (May 25, 2013)

One more tool funny...


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