# From One Parent to Another



## acpeacemaker (Aug 8, 2017)

Hey all long time no see, :mrgreen: 

Well I have an off topic today... I don't really have many people to back and forth some different advices with. So, I wanted to ask you guys and see what you would do in this opposition. Because everyone I do know isn't on this board.
I have a beautiful 13 yr old daughter. I do try and give her privacy. (And she respects my thoughts and actions a great deal) 

However, a couple days ago I was looking through her Facebook messenger and noticed there was a 19 yr old guy asking for dirty pictures of her. He tried sweet talking her for months. I'm sad to say I saw pics of my daughter I didn't want to see. I ended up confronting the dude. He tried talking his way out of it and then of course blocked me. I talked to my daughter about it and she has deleted and blocked him. 

Thing is I'm not sure what to do about the so called almost 20 yr old. It's something he thought he could get away with. I could make a post about him to my friends list which is over 3k people (so people would be aware of this creep) and I'm sure he would get some hate mail. He has a friend list of 5k people so I'm sure social media is his everything. 

Frankly, Facebook annoys the crap out of me.
With that comes the fact it would probably make the worst in my daughters feelings.
2. I could contact Police in his city and go with that. Which they might not do anything.
3. I can drive the mileage and show him my personal thoughts.
4. Or I could just let it go... But am I wrong doing that too.
I'm pretty frustrated. It's a sick world but when it knocks on your door...
I did take this guy's name out of the messages.
Thanks,
Andrew


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## Palladium (Aug 8, 2017)

Call the police in your jurisdiction and file charges. They will confiscate his phone and investigate the allegations. If he's done it to her they're is other victims out there also. What he did was a crime! It will actually be a good learning experience for your daughter so she knows what the guys intentions were and what kind of animals are actually out there in the jungle!


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## acpeacemaker (Aug 8, 2017)

Thanks Pd,
I've really been on the fence and honestly don't know why. I guess I just wasn't sure how to go about it. The messages are most certainly there. I won't post them due to the nature of what they led to. 
This guy even promised her he would take her and a couple of her friends to New York! 
In the back of my head I'm thinking that's kind of the same lines of how child molesters used to try and lure kids into those old vans. 
But do I contact my state or his state or both?


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## jimdoc (Aug 8, 2017)

acpeacemaker said:


> But do I contact my state or his state or both?



I'd say both.


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## anachronism (Aug 8, 2017)

You'd probably get more traction by outing him on FB to be honest. Then again you don't know what some whackjob nutter vigilante would take it into their head to go and do to him so that's probably not a good idea in the scheme of things.

Sorry to hear this and yeah I have had a similar problem with my own, where the police were powerless to do anything. It's frustrating but maybe it's different over there with your law enforcement.


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## Palladium (Aug 8, 2017)

Contact both jurisdictions. The jurisdiction your daughter lives in will be the prosecuting jurisdiction, but i would call his jurisdiction just to apply extra pressure and give them a heads up that a case is headed their way. It will be a joint investigation, but your jurisdiction has the lead. Here in the USA their is a big movement to prosecute cases that involves possible child trafficking and enticing minors across state lines for moral or lewd acts. Theirs definitely a case to be made just from the texts alone! If you don't someone else will be a victim because of your inaction. If they don't find anything then you're just a concerned parent who over reacted, but if they do then your concerns were dam well warranted!


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## patnor1011 (Aug 8, 2017)

Facebook is not social but anti social media. My kids know from day one that every word they type there and every picture they post stay there forever. The fact is that 13-year-old kids are naive and dumb with pretty much no exception so as a parent you simply have to control what they do. Sometimes you are able to stop things from happening sometimes you are late but you got to be there to "oversee".


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## justinhcase (Aug 8, 2017)

Sad to say you should not have confronted him your self.
Thou your natural instinct was to do great bodily harm to the subject, Your responsibility goes beyond the protection of your immediate family.
Child grooming is a crime in its own.
But it is better to let the authorities take control of the account so they can collect evidence to secure a longer jail term.
Corruption of a minor and soliciting child pornography are all good charges but having him turn up to a controlled meeting to be arrested would lead to decades inside.


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## acpeacemaker (Aug 8, 2017)

While all of you make very valid points, and I do very much appreciate everyone's input. Justin made a point I didn't think of right off. That could have been a very obvious way of apprehending a criminal in his footstep's.

But you are right my first immediate reaction is protector. In my head I wasn't thinking of a bunch of other victims, other than my own kid. So in that sense that frustrates me I could have done more.

It would be a lot easier to keep watch over her but her mom let's her do what she wants. We are still going through a huge custody battle. So I only see 50%
But my daughter and I have built a very strong bond over the past few years. Trust is huge. She actually told that creep she'll do whatever her dad says because she respects him 100%
He didn't like it, but it made me feel pretty dang good. 

Andrew


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## UncleBenBen (Aug 8, 2017)

Right or wrong, he would have never seen me coming.

With that said, you stated the perv was in another state. Are you even sure this is a 19 to 20 year old kid? Or is the unimaginable possibility there that it's some middle aged, violent, psychopath that you caught in the act of trying to solicit his next victim.

Its a very scary thought, and I hate to jump to the worst in people, but when it comes to stuff like this....


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## acpeacemaker (Aug 8, 2017)

UncleBenBen said:


> Are you even sure this is a 19 to 20 year old kid?



I am pretty sure. His account is mostly public, and birthday was sept. 1997. He had picture after picture of himself and himself and his mom. Kinda like how I was saying I know fb is one of his staples. When you have a friends list that large and post every hour or so.... This kid was full of pride. But that was why I was debating on outing him on FB. It would probably be detrimental. Nonetheless I don't want my daughter in being public eye like that. 

Andrew


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## kurtak (Aug 9, 2017)

UncleBenBen said:


> he would have never seen me coming.



:lol: :lol: :lol: 

Nor would he have seen me coming :evil: 

Note; -------

First shots meant only to cause pain (as he intended to cause pain to your daughter) :!: 

Second shots meant to remove his heart (being he is a heartless SOB in the first place) :!: 

Final shot meant to remove his brain (for thinking he has done nothing wrong) :!: 

Note; - EXTREEM hollow point are the ammo of choice for SOBs like this :twisted: 

Kurt


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## chuckgambale (Aug 9, 2017)

Out the scumbag every where you can.


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## kurtak (Aug 9, 2017)

Now - on a more serious note

You NEED to contact your "state" police ASAP :!: 



> However, a couple days ago I was looking through her Facebook messenger and noticed there was a 19 yr old guy asking for dirty pictures of her. He tried sweet talking her for months.



This is a CRIME :!: 

In one of his massages (to you) he says "I haven't done anything wrong" --- he needs to learn that in fact he has :!: 



> This guy even promised her he would take her and a couple of her friends to New York!



This is a HUGE red flag - New York City is a MAJOR hub for child porn &/or child trafficking :!: :!: :!: 



> We are still going through a huge custody battle.



The SOB is most likely aware of this which gives him a foot in the door to entice her to hook up with him with out right lies & promises (as in --- "I understand the pain & turmoil you are going through - hey, want to hook up , we could take a trip to NY) its called grooming :!: 



> It would be a lot easier to keep watch over her but her mom let's her do what she wants



Personally - I would use what you have just discovered (in court) to show that "in fact" you have your daughters best interest at heart & at least raise the question if that is true with mom --- the best would be to get mom to "understand" that HER "fight" - over your daughter - is putting her (your daughter) at risk - & that she (mom) would be better served to start thinking about how to "work things out" in a way of "co-parenting" (in the best interest of your daughter) --- rather then "fighting" over who is the better parent

Bottom line --- the most important thing to do NOW - is to contact authorities ASAP & make them aware of this dirt bag SOB :!: :!: :!: 

Kurt


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## rickbb (Aug 9, 2017)

Yes, police, right away, as in right now.

Now the hard part.

1. If she's done this with him, quite likely she has or will do it again. Kids today think nothing of it because "everyone is doing it", etc. etc. Need to have some grown up conversations with her.

2. You really should have not contacted him or had her do anything on her FB page. Should have let the police in on it so they could collect un-touched evidence and even let them handle the contact through her FB. They could have gotten enough to put him away for life.


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## acpeacemaker (Aug 9, 2017)

Sorry, I haven't really had a chance to answer back... You guys are really hitting that nail on the head!
I had to drive from Cripple Creek, Co 10 pm last night and headed towards Myrtle Beach, South Carolina on the east coast. (I'm finally about 150 miles away, and my butt is so freaking numb.) Had some time to think... 

I have contacted and forwarded info to both states. From what I understand it is put in a file that goes through a chain of supervisors that will or will not open it as a case. Depending on what they decide the evidence warrants. 
Man Kurt, you have no idea... My mind went to that... Somehow though, I went more old-school with a Thompson and a 100 round drum.  
I really appreciate everyone's thoughts. They really do help. I'm a very forgiving person, but sometimes it helps to have more people forwarding you so your not a pushover. I took a lot of emotional abuse from my ex wife in that aspect. But no matter in any case I will do everything in my power to protect my kid or even someone else's. If that makes sense...
Also I had a chat with my family attorney for child custody, and he said this is a perfect example of the mom not having the best interests for the child. I have her texts back and forth too. For anyone out there going through it. Document everything. Everything.

Andrew


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## anachronism (Aug 10, 2017)

Mate

If you're dealing with the authorities it might be worth deleting this whole thread pronto.


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## kurtak (Aug 10, 2017)

anachronism said:


> Mate
> 
> If you're dealing with the authorities it might be worth deleting this whole thread pronto.



I don't see a need for that

If anything this thread is somewhat of a conformation of the problem (not evidence - but conformation)

Kurt


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## anachronism (Aug 10, 2017)

Fair enough- over here in the UK making any kind of inference with guns and targets would cause a whole host of issues but if that's not the case over there then crack on mate. 8) 8) 

Jon


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## kurtak (Aug 10, 2017)

acpeacemaker said:


> I have contacted and forwarded info to both states. From what I understand it is put in a file that goes through a chain of supervisors that will or will not open it as a case. Depending on what they decide the evidence warrants.
> 
> Andrew



There is NO WAY I would allow the authorities blow me off on this matter :!: :!: :!: 

A 19/20 year old MAN asking a 13 year old GIRL (different then a woman) for dirty pictures - is a CRIME :!: :!: :!: 

A 19/20 year old MAN asking a 13 year old GIRL to "run away" (take a trip to NY - along with friends - if she can get friends to go along) is a CRIME :!: :!: :!: 

EVERY state has "multiple" (different police agencies) that have task forces tasked with investigating/pursuing THESE CRIMES

It is their JOB to bring criminal charges against the offender when the victim makes a complaint (make no mistake about it - it is not ONLY your daughter that is a victim here - but also you & for that matter your ex)

This SOB tried to ENTICE your daughter away from you because of the problems between you & your ex - & his motive was clear for sexual intent with A CHILD

I would DEMAND to talk directly to the officer in charge of the "task force" that deals with such CRIMES

Better yet - have your attorney "file" criminal charges against this guy

This guy has NO RIGHT to take on the roll of "big brother" (entice your daughter away) because she is caught in the middle of a fight between you & your ex wife

YOU are just as much a victim here as your daughter --- "demand" your rights as a victim

The "evidence" is clear & simple --- this man tried to "entice" my daughter to run off with him --- & I caught him "red handed" in his attempt to do so :!: :!: :!: 

I certainly would

Kurt


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## kurtak (Aug 10, 2017)

anachronism said:


> Fair enough- over here in the UK making any kind of inference with guns and targets would cause a whole host of issues but if that's not the case over there then crack on mate. 8) 8)
> 
> Jon



Not to worry - my second post makes it clear that the first post is nothing more then an expression of feelings - whereas the second post is real/honest advise

Kurt


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## snoman701 (Aug 10, 2017)

Given that it's across state lines, you may be better off contacting FBI. They'll also be more equipped to handle the technological aspect of it. "Mere" possession of child pornography is a federal crime, solicitation likely moreso.

I wouldn't out him on facebook...I'd wait til he's in prison, then send some letters to some of the other inmates. Best if you could research and find fathers that are in the federal pen. 

I was 19 once, and didn't date, but "befriended" a 13 year old. We were very close. She was my best friend. She was mature for her age, and we had mutual romantic interests...with that said, I never even stepped near the ballfield, let alone tried to hit the ball to round the bases. I knew darn well what was off limits, and that I had tremendous capacity to hurt her, if I lost respect for her naivety or her innocence. 

My point is, even in the most sincere of situations, a 19 year old soliciting sexual materials from a 13 year old is predatory.


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## butcher (Aug 12, 2017)

Personally I would have a private visit if you wish to call it that with the perverted young man. and contact law enforcement. Your word against his. basically tar and feather him and hang him up to dry.

I would confront and have a long talk with my daughter, she may have been molested at some point in the past making her a open target for this type of thing, You know your daughter and the morals you both have, if she sent pictures, something in her past may have derailed her morality in this area, (we become what we hate), and become subject (slaves to it ), kind of hypnotized, the sins of the fathers are passed onto the sons...

If one of my daughters done anything like that, it would to me mean something was wrong in her, she may have lost her own protection (something has gotten in her) possibly from her past experiences. or she could just need the attention (and just getting the wrong kind, I would also pay very close attention to the so called friends she may be running around with (peer pressure from bad sources).

And I would most of all look at myself as her father and protector, Am I giving her the attention she seeks?
Girls need a father not just a dad, she needs that fatherly love, (and discipline), if she does not get the right kind of love from us she will seek it from other men or boys, and most likely the wrong kind of "love".

The world is full of wolves, unfortunately we cannot kill or beat them all, you cannot keep them from coming after your daughter, but you can give her the Armor to help her defend herself from them (and not seek them out unknowingly).


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## rickbb (Aug 14, 2017)

I agree that this entire thread should be deleted, and scrubbed from the server for your protection.

You never know when or what information we post anywhere on the internet may come back to bite us in the butt. 

Seriously.

Edit to add;

It's why every 3 days I go over all my FB and LinkedIn pages and delete everything over 3 days old.


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## jimdoc (Aug 14, 2017)

rickbb said:


> It's why every 3 days I go over all my FB and LinkedIn pages and delete everything over 3 days old.



You should probably delete your whole FB and LinkedIn accounts.
I have never had them, and never will. There is a reason for that.


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## 4metals (Aug 14, 2017)

Jim,

Would you share some of your concerns for Linkedin?


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## jimdoc (Aug 14, 2017)

4metals said:


> Jim,
> 
> Would you share some of your concerns for Linkedin?



I just consider it like Facebook, I don't really don't have any specific concerns on them. If you use it for business it may make sense for you. My response was really more about Facebook.
I just don't trust most of those sites in general. They can come back and bite you in so many ways.

Facebook I don't trust at all, and consider it a voluntary release of all your privacy to someone
who should not be trusted with it (Zuckerberg). Besides advertising your personal business to possible criminals.


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## anachronism (Aug 14, 2017)

rickbb said:


> I agree that this entire thread should be deleted, and scrubbed from the server for your protection.
> 
> You never know when or what information we post anywhere on the internet may come back to bite us in the butt.
> 
> ...



Sorry to burst your bubble but as soon as it goes up there it's logged.


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## Palladium (Aug 14, 2017)

That website GRF is the worst one of all! :lol: 

I've watched the progress of the net since day one. The first lesson i learned was if you don't want it out there, don't post it. I've educated my kids especially about this.


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## rickbb (Aug 16, 2017)

anachronism said:


> Sorry to burst your bubble but as soon as it goes up there it's logged.



Yes, but not as easily searched by the general public. Usually takes a court order and some digging, or a really good hacker. Either way once you delete it, it's much harder for an angry ex, etc. to find something to use against you. 

Of course the FBI, NSA et el. probably already has a copy stored away some where. They just need a reason to know they need to look for it.


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## acpeacemaker (Aug 23, 2017)

Well guys it goes like this....
I want to say thank you for all the knowledge and wisdom and as well good ole fashioned moral valued advice. 

I took this with great care and stayed on top of it. I didn't come right back and say anything. Mostly, because I've driven from the west coast to east coast, had someone pass away and then turn right around and drive back.

I disagree that all type of social media is completely bad. I understand the points of view behind it though. If anyone knows my story the past couple years some of my Facebook helped me in court with my ex wife. Remember the guy that came home from work to a naked guy in his bed and then threatening to kill him and his kids? And then I went to jail because it was considered domestic violence because I put him in the hospital? That next six months I had nothing I lost it all. I actually slept in the forest in a 6x10 pit I dug by a river. But they kept trying to pin me on stuff or say I was doing stuff I wasn't because they needed me out of the picture. Even claiming of stuff when I was nowhere near close. My point was got smart and used my Facebook to get some type of evidence out there of the crap I went through. Yeah I almost died, almost every day, until late spring finally came. Sure my FB friends list went to almost 4k people. I didn't care, I wanted someone to hear me. I had pictures and daily updates showing my world.

Concerning the 19 yr old. He has been in custody since last week. I really don't know what they will do with him. But as another stepping stone fledges outward. I got full custody over my daughter today. No more FB or Snapchat for her. Not for awhile. I want her to excel in things that improve her mind and abilities. Yes I do have some very rough road ahead, but I know it will be worth it.

Thank you guys


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## Shark (Aug 23, 2017)

Sounds like some good news finally.


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## Palladium (Aug 23, 2017)

Congratulations on your daughter brother !


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## butcher (Aug 23, 2017)

acpeacemaker, 

Yeah you have got a rough road ahead of you. So what!

You can handle it just fine, and you can help that little angel, bloom and develop her own wings.


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## kurtak (Aug 24, 2017)

acpeacemaker said:


> Concerning the 19 yr old. He has been in custody since last week. I really don't know what they will do with him. But as another stepping stone fledges outward. I got full custody over my daughter today. No more FB or Snapchat for her. Not for awhile. I want her to excel in things that improve her mind and abilities. Yes I do have some very rough road ahead, but I know it will be worth it.



AWESOME :!: :!: :!:


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